In which James Raggi verbally hands me my own ass

In a TheRPGsite thread about Lamentation of the Flame Princess's new adventure, Fuck for Satan, I took the opportunity to ask James Raggi

All respect, Jim, don't you think the title (and the habit of outrageous/provocative titles as a means of getting word of mouth/scaring off namby-pamby wimps like me) is a little... adolescent?

To which he replied:

Of course it is. 

...Well played, sir, well played. Really, though, I guess it's healthy of him to own it.

Discovering the Thunder Rift

So I read Thunder Rift for the first time tonight. On the whole I was pretty impressed. This is what, growing up, I always thought D&D settings would be mostly like, but they mostly weren't. Classic, compact, rife with hooks.

But I'm not without complaint-- it seems almost too tiny. I can't imagine based on the data given that there are more than a thousand humans or so in the entire region, which (if I estimated right) could be crossed in a matter of three or four days from north to south. I think if I was running it I'd multiply the size and the population significantly (with a few small villages scattered about accordingly). As it stands it feels at once too dense with monsters, and too small to explore. But that's a pretty easy fix. If I were running it, I'd also probably make it slightly easier to travel beyond the canyon (with at least a bare-bones outline of the surrounding territory). I have thoughts in place already... maybe the makings of a series of future posts?

Why do I like ACKS?

I don't hate domain play, but it's not my focus by a long shot. And let's not kid ourselves ACKS's forte is in domain play. Its AC system is... decidedly wonky. I've gotten used to it, but it took some doing. I don't care at all about realistic simulation-- for god's sake my second favorite edition of D&D is 4e (and 3.5 remains my least favorite)!

So what is it? What draws me to ACKS?

Is it the little tweaks? Things like the system of cleaving present in it, or the mage's repertoire and magical research stuff, the hijinks, the d20-based thief skills, or the list of poisons in the GM chapter? Is it Domains of War (which I've only got the free version of), which makes for a fun, effective battle minigame with more for tactics than the BECMI War Machine?

Partly, yeah.

Is it the proficiencies system, which does one of the best jobs of scratching the itch for feats and skills that my WOTC days imbued in me?

That's definitely a factor.

But I think I know what the number one reason is.

It's the classes. I'm absolutely a class slut. The more the merrier, in my book. And ACKS, between itself and the Player's companion, contains pretty much all my favorites. It has my favorite OSR ranger, my favorite bard anywhere, and a solid assassin, and that's just in the core book. The only one missing is the Warlord, and between the proficiencies available to the fighter and Thomas Weigel's excellent Aristocrat class, I'm more than taken care of. And should the mood strike me for a class that isn't already around, the Player's Companion explained the Autarchs' math well enough that it's the work of half an hour to bring my new class into the world. Ultimately that's the biggest factor in my choice.

A thought about magical treasures

Why is it that the only magic items you ever see around are things that are useful for adventuring? There never seems to be, for instance, any magically-animated paintings (ala Harry Potter), enchanted farm or craft tools, potions of fertility, or things like that. Maybe I should make a chart about it. In the meantime here's all the ideas I could think of int 20 minutes and I'd love to hear your suggestions if you're reading this.

• Enchanted painting or tapestry: Figures seem to move on their own (possibly able to talk)
• Book with living illustrations
• Book that reads self aloud
• Lens that reads other books around
• Robe or dress with scintillating patterns
• Robe or dress that changes color to match mood or environment
• Robe or dress that seems to be lighter than air?
• Cufflinks that fasten themselves
• Vest that buttons itself/bodice that laces itself
• Cloth or clothes that can't be ripped or stained
• Potion of fertility
• Potion of contraception
• Potion of Sleep
• Hallucinogenic potion
• Hair tonic potion
• Self-pulling plow
• Enchanted seeds
• Size of plant
• Abundance of produce
• Fast-growing
• Don't need watered
• Fenceposts/chicken coop of repelling predators
• Net or fishing lure that charms aquatic creatures when cast
• Musical instrument that can play itself
• Musical instrument that always stays in tune
• Musical instrument that can play in multiple keys
• Musical instrument that creates its own accompaniment
• Cask of Liquid Gold (endless beer)
• Decanter of endless wine
• Shaker of endless salt
• Grinder of endless pepper
• Boots of foot massaging
• Living/dancing toys
• Self-playing chess set
• Self-shuffling cards
• Self-rolling dice
• Cheating cards
• Cheating dice
• Scissors/knife that never go dull
• Tools that work by themselves
• Hammer and tongs
• Hammer and saw
• Loom
• Strand twister (rope)
• Needle, sewing
• Needles, knitting
• Cauldron/pan
• Washtub
• Broom/mop/duster
• Self-sweeping broom/mop/duster
• Hairbrush/mirror/makeup brushes
• Whetston
• Clothesline of rapid drying
• Vat that can cure leather/dye cloth quickly
• Essence of flavor
• Wallet, alarm
• Wallet, trapped

Strange Magic

(No relation to the otherwise excellent blog of similar name.)

I wrote a new poem. It probably sounds a lot more profound than it actually is, being mostly an exercise in picking a rhythm that was pleasing to my mouth, though it was brought on by the mental image of someone watching a Fritz Lang movie on their iPad, which got me to thinking a little.

As usual I make no promises of quality.

We live in an age
Of strange magic
New madness--
Monochrome Metropolis silent
On a screen in my hand, while--
Screaming Metropolis vibrant
On the street outside the window

And also a world
Of strange madness
Old magic--
The mountain calls Moses, Muhammad
With the voices it spake,

"There is nothing new under the sun
Sure as today birthed yesterday
We all live in interesting times."

What are Humanoids, anyway?

Over at his blog Beedo posted some rather clever alternative origins for humanoid monsters, to be used in a summer campaign for his children. It was a pretty interesting post and got me thinking about things. The origin I've used for most humanoids lately comes from half-remembered snippets of Norse mythology and from a somewhat slanted interpretation of describing the enemies that Dwarves and Rangers in AD&D 1e get special bonuses against as "giant class humanoids". My idea is that the "giant" in "giant class" doesn't (obviously) mean "huge", but perhaps means "man-like creations of primordial creatures that oppose the gods".

All well and good, but that leaves a few other humanoids unexplained: Lizardmen, Serpentmen (such as D&D's Yuan-ti), Frogmen (such as D&D's Bullywugs), and Troglodytes. Those all share the interesting quality of being amphibian or reptilian. Perhaps that implies a connection? A third set of creators? That might deserve some exploration of its own...

On the Herd Animal

The standard description of the Herd Animal entry in old school D&D and many retroclones suggests that the stats are useful for hooved animals such as goats, deer, and antelopes. But why stop there? There's plenty of other interesting herd animals out there. In my own time I've used those stats for Kangaroos, Emus, Ostriches, large tortoises, and all sorts of small, herbivorous dinosaurs. Small ones can be Hypsilophodon, Psittacosaurus, or Protoceratops. Larger ones can be things like Beipiaosaurus, Gallimimus, Maiasaura, Massospondylus, or even Pachycephalosaurus.


After all, those Tyrannosaurus Rexes in your lost world area have to have something to eat besides adventurers, don't they?

(As you might have gathered, I fucking love dinosaurs)